In loving memory of
Arthur "Bo" Hayes Jr.
Received September 10th, 2020
Dear Mom,
How are you? Life is improving in many facets as my work ethic, self-care, hygiene and energy are consistent. My attitude, perception, and mindset are still very tainted and dangerous for my recovery and mental health as I have a lot of toxicity and baggage cluttering up space and free rent in my mind that is upsetting the apple cart and robbing me of my energy and my joy. It is challenging when I am confined or cooped up 24/7 with so many different personalities and temperaments. Being able to detach myself from all the drama, politics, cliquishness and cultural diversity of living with 50 other guys can be mind-blowing and enormously tough at times, especially when there is no way to isolate from it. Being a guy who gets overloaded to a lot of stimuli and has difficulties with change, reading people’s motives and intentions, having the ability to connect emotionally and intimately with people and truly understand the subtleties and nuances of social interaction is just downright bewildering to me. It’s a huge deficit that will always be colossal for me of my condition.
It’s like learning to walk with no legs. I can do it but it will be much, much harder for me than neurotypicals, take me longer, and I will have to take many detours to reach my goals because of the chinks in my social armor and how differently I am wired.
I have a great heart and am a kind soul, but trying to find my place and be able to understand and relate to how other people think and feel has always at times made me feel like an anomaly and an outsider and was and still is a giant source of anger, frustration, loneliness, despair, desperation and depression. I want to love and share my life with others but to be so socially deprived in the kit of tools required to build, foster and maintain relationships has caused me immense inner suffering and outside I look angry and unapproachable but inside I am crying and hurting.
If I can find some kind of peace and solace with that and learn to laugh and be carefree in my awkward walk through life I might never understand the crazy hand I’ve been dealt but I can embrace it with no apology and I can be an instrument of peace and a source of someone’s joy. Even if it’s simply to make them smile or laugh.
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Your loving son,
Bo
Clubhouse Atlanta: Stories from the Heart!
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Bo's story, although unique to him and his family, reminds us that there are many individuals and families dealing with similar situations. Clubhouse was founded with the belief that We Are Not Alone. Stories from the Heart will highlight the personal stories of our Members, Staff, Board Members and Community Supporters. We will tell you about our journeys, how Mental Illness has affected us and our families and what we are doing to overcome the challenges that come along with a diagnosis. It is our hope that these Stories from the Heart will serve as an inspiration to all and remind you that you are NOT ALONE.
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To read our stories, click on the link below.